好無聊喔。怎麼搞得！

well, its been a year..

all the changes,

expectations and disappointments

well, its a new year

still changing

still expectations and disappointments

after a year,

still the same old me

too much pride, fear of awkwardness.. especially you

but i know where i stand

don't want to be seen reaching

so i would rather bury it

i am insecure about myself

i am disgusted with myself

i pretend to be comfortable in certain occasions which actually, I am not

everyday I tell myself I need to change

morph me into something delightful

but yet i fail myself everyday

and is because of this weakness.

The biggest flaw in my life

that i fail really terribly

GIVE ME THE POWER TO CHANGE IT...oh FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK

i have a habit of losing things

not within my control

i will fall when is crucial

as I know I am weak

I am not good enough

I am inadequate

I am just not good enough

Why aim for the tree

when you are just a plant

but I want to be a tree

i realise that i need to revive this channel

as a form of outlet

for what has piled up these months

the conscious and subconcious seems to have their paths crossed

"it shouldn't happen""I want it to happen"

aware and unaware

this indeed builds a struggle

家，老了才回去就好

年轻时，要到处跑，接触世界的美丽

看到世界的奇妙，才知道家有多无聊

世界看多了，才知道家有多么好

家，老了才回去就好

喜欢一个人孤独的时侯但不能喜欢太多

I am delibrate in not trying
butterflies, moths, fluttering all over in my stomach
but with sheer mind power
I withold

I want but I can't.
tragedy

my ego post

i like to be different
to know things that NORMAL pple won't know
interested in things that NORMAL pple won't be
to delibrately speak a different language in front of others
so as to not feel the same
i crush stereotypes
i draw satisfaction from doing this.
at times, is on purpose
sometimes is natural

I try to be an advocate for anti-culture

i like to be different
so that others will feel that they are different from you
maybe a desire to boost my inner ego

when i am emphasised not to
inner voices would tell me want to
especially if you don't deserve any darn respect
or if you have yet to earn any from me