miss

ever since I came back
I had been unhappy.
cooping up at home is my avenue
disinterested in meeting people
not focused in doing what should be done
are these signs of depression?

I miss Six Flags,
days where we worked, we got tired, we complained, we ate
we travelled, we partied, we cried and we talked
I miss Eruption, doing the spiels, testing the karts, taking Kingda Ka
I miss the community we had
where everyone helped one another, hung out and went out together
I miss the carefree-ness, staying alone
nothing to care about, unrestricted life, just being responsible to myself
I miss my friends, walking around housing, saying Hi to people, visiting houses sometimes different, sometimes same, cooking for them
I miss Chow-Mein, cheap beer and patties
I miss looking forward to off days, we really cherished it as there were so much to do
I miss the weather. enough said about it
If only we could be there a little longer.
If only If only. as you said, there are no IFs.
I miss the way I missed my family

I miss seeing you. the real you. I paused, thinking if i should say but can i just be truthful once
I left my heart with you. Can I take it back? For now?
CAN U JUST GO AWAY!!!!
but please don't go...
I am always a paradox.

I hate the word "miss"